Sometimes I hate diabetes.  I mean really, really, really HATE diabetes.  My young son, Noah, has lived with Type 1 diabetes for a little over three years now.  We still don't have it controlled.  As soon as we think we have a working system down we find out something in his body isn't working the same.  Then it is back to the drawing board to try to figure out how much insulin he should be getting and at what times he should be getting it.   Managing diabetes really forces one to be flexible--even when you feel so stretched that you could break.  Today I had one of the worst scares of my life.  After a week of lows, Noah had yet another 'fit'.  I do not know how to describe how terrible these episodes are.  It is as if he is having a seizure, rolling on the ground and thrashing about.  He is crying, moaning, whining, and all I can do is try to hold him tight to my body as I pour a fast acting glucose drink down his throat.  I hold him and tell him, "I love you, Noah.  It will be alright.  Drink this!  It will help your blood sugar.  I love you, Noah. So much."  He is  strong and yet I feel so frustrated, because no matter how much I want to I cannot take this disease from him.  I do believe that every challenge we have in life will be to our good if we handle it in the  best way that we can.  For Noah, one of his challenges is this life-controlling disease.  For me, as his mother, it is seeing my little boy struggle as he tries so very hard to live a normal life.

Wearing My "Falsies"

I always wanted bigger ones.  Luscious and voluptuous--a striking profile.  No silly, not those kind of 'falsies'.  I am referring to  false eyelashes.  As a young girl I embraced the physical manifestations of femininity--most often exhibited in the form of the super long eyelash.  My princesses, forest animals, and yes, even my octopi, had excessively disproportionate lashes.  My obsession led me to try these out on my own.

Do they look real?  No, of course not.  Do I care.  No, of course not.  If the fine young ladies of Lawrence Welk can wear them, then why not I?  If the pop songstresses and starlets actively flaunt lashes not found in nature (except on the occasional male--so UNFAIR!), why couldn't I give it a go.  I was interested to see how others would react to my chosen adornment.  So what did my experiment reveal?

Lots of people looked me in the eye--well a little above the eye--when speaking to me.  I lowered my eyes demurely  when a door was held for me, to which  I replied, "thank you" and was granted a "my pleasure" instead of the more common  "you're  welcome."  A coincidence?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  ;)  I think word passed quickly through my groups of friends and acquaintances.  Many more people sought my company--if only to take a gander at my eye accessories.

Will I continue wearing them?  Some times.  Not every week of course, but often I do believe.  They're fun and they bring out a little bit more of the girly girl in my personality (I know a lot of you will say MORE GIRLY GIRL????  HA!).  Then there's the added benefit of not having to wear mascara.  So when you see me wearing them, I won't take offense if you take a second peek!  I might even flutter them at you!  

Thoughts on Austin

Yummy Green Mesquite BBQ, fortuitous meetings with millionaire ranchers, a truly eclectic mix of characters--all coalescing to form a great experience in our short trip to Austin, Texas. Texas fans are nice, the stadium is huge, and most of the girls wear cowgirl boots with their skirts. I've always loved boots, and this may be the first time I've gotten a yearning to buy a pair of western style (but they were really cute!).

We packed light and so I only had flip flops to wear (they were the "dressy" pair, with the fake, transparent, gold colored accents, hehehe). In hindsight, not the best pair of shoes to hike the 2.5 mile distance to the game (which, incidentally, turned into a 4 mile trek). However, in addition to my bruised feet, I met some very interesting individuals on my solo trek to the stadium.

There were the drunk guys--one who, when I asked directions to the stadium simply stared and said, "you have sweet blue eyes"...HA! Can you say "beer goggles"? This isn't the first time a drunk guy has commented on my eyes. I've decided I'm not picky, though, and I'll take whatever complement I get. :) There were the drunk girls who asked us to beat Texas because they were Aggie fans and couldn't stand the Longhorns. There was the incredibly wealthy--and incredibly unpretentious--ranchers who gave me their phone numbers in case my grandfather (who lives in east Texas) needed help getting away from the wildfires.

Austin is filled with metrocycles--which are rickshaw type vehicles pulled by bicycle. We fortunately snagged one on the way home from the game--saving my already sore feet. We rode through the downtown and I have to say I was pretty floored with the night life. It's not my cup of tea--I'm more a bakery/hot chocolate in the morning kind of girl--but it was pretty fascinating to see so many different people visiting so many different nightspots.

All in all a wonderful weekend and Austin definitely rates as worth at least one more trip! Next time, though, I'll wear more sensible shoes. ;)

Ten years ago today, Adam, my first child, was lying in bed with me. He was only 15 months old and we were snuggling under the covers. My three month old Seth was still asleep in the nursery. Jeff called me and told me to turn the television on, and I stood there in shock and watched the tragedy unfold. How strange, to be so aware of misery actively occurring hundreds of miles away. That misery soon reached across the country and around the globe as we realized the extent of lives lost, and how heroic and brave and stalwart and true so many of those people were.

I remember not even comprehending how people who didn't even know us could hate us so much. I have to admit it was not in my nature to even truly understand this. As the years go by, I have learned that evil doesn't have to be comprehended to exist. The people who planned, prepared, and executed this terrible act want to take away our agency. They want to see us as they are, chained to an ideology that would actively work to murder fathers, mothers, daughters and sons in terrifying and horrific ways. No thank you.

The results of this act have been war. I know people who have given their lives protecting our freedom. Has it been worth it? I believe if we didn't fight we would just see more 9/11's; so I have to say, 'Yes, it has been worth it'.

I am certainly not one who blames Muslims in general for this act. I would, however, hope to hear more Muslim voices unrestrictedly condemning these actions. I would also like to see active work within the Muslim community to reform those factions which practice violence and hate. I know that some are diligently working to make sure they are not defined by the actions of a relative few.

Ten years later I am sitting in a hotel in Austin, listening to bagpipes in the street play a mournful melody. I consider how today I will be on a plane flying on the anniversary of our country's darkest hour. It is small, but I feel as if it is my own statement that I have my agency still. I am proud to be an American.

Wow...a lot has happened since my last post. Jeff and I finished our trip out west with the children and arrived in Alabama. We were there just a few days before leaving for our cruise. We were on Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas. It really is a spectacular ship. We had a great time, except the first night I had cramping and bleeding again. After the cruise, I made an appointment with an OB/Gyn because I feared I might have had an incomplete miscarriage. The closest appointment I could get was for September 1st.

Around midnight the evening of the 24th I began cramping terribly. After suffering 2 hours, I woke Jeff up and told him we had to go to the ER. He agreed and we went to St. Vincent's. This was a great blessing, because after both a traditional and vaginal ultrasound it was apparent that I had an ectopic pregnancy. This was highly unusual and unsuspected because I have no history of any kind of problems that would result in an ectopic pregnancy and I have already vaginally delivered 6 babies. I had to go right in for emergency surgery and have three little scars to show for it. I still feel the loss of this baby. I yearn for another child--I feel like there is another waiting to come to our family.

I was so blessed to have quality, appropriate care. It could have been so much worse...

Thoughts on Miscarriage...

I am suffering a second miscarriage. It almosts seems surreal because I didn't even know that I was pregnant. This makes it a lot easier than my last miscarriage in December 2006. That period was the darkest in my life. I knew I was pregnant and had already been making plans to have that special little child in our lives. I felt the loss completely--almost sinking into a depression.

Now that I know that I was pregnant, I feel a profound sadness. I also feel a degree of relief with the knowledge that the unexplained bleeding is not something life threatening or something requiring surgery. It is a small comfort.

So now, we will begin our lives anew. I still have hope to have more children join our family. I know that it is not something to take for granted; but is instead a wonderful blessing to hope for and take delight in...

Thoughts While Lying 'Neath a Rose-Colored Canopy

During this hectic week of cleaning and packing up the house, I made updating my blog a priority on my "to do" list. It is now early Saturday morning--at the end of the week--and I find myself in an antebellum home, lying underneath a beautiful rose-colored canopy. The house is cleaned, packed away, and ready for potential buyers. My blog, on the other hand, is unattended. So, before I partake of a delicious breakfast, I will fill in the details of the last month.


Since my last entry we have celebrated Independence Day by eating Voo Doo BBQ one last time, watching "A Capitol 4th" on PBS, and enjoying the neighborhood fireworks.



We celebrated Lilah's 3rd birthday on July 7th. There is a funny story related to this particular day. The night before I began to bake Lilah's cake, quickly realizing that I did not have eggs, cooling racks, measuring cups, etc., as they had all been packed away. So, I made a quick call to my dear friend Jeni who has a cake business. She agreed to do a layer cake for Lilah. She made a beautiful cake to my specifications, then disaster struck. While transporting it to my house, she was nearly hit by another driver. In her evasive driving, the cake was destroyed. She was a true professional and managed, with the help of Lisa, to patch it up. With the addition of the music box (as the third layer of the cake) and the Tinkerbell dolls, it turned out beautifully! Lilah absolutely loved it and we had a wonderful little party. Jeff and I were there, of course, along with Adam, Seth, Noah, John John, Luke, Alana, Dayna, Leonard, Sarah, Lisa, Jeni, and Sissy. It was truly a fun party. Lilah received fairy wings, a fairy book, Silvermist, My Little Pony, a Tinkerbell outfit, pajamas, a monkey book, a Tinkerbell placemat, a little outfit, and the music box. So much fun! And Lilah looked so sweet in her birthday dress--a peach and pale green confection that I bought in Iowa--long before I even had a little girl to wear it!


In mid-July, we took a little mini family vacation to see Grand Isle before we moved. We drove down to Grand Isle on a Wednesday afternoon. We walked the beach and let the children play for a little while. Then, we packed everyone up in the van and headed toward Gulf Shores. We stopped and stayed in a hotel in Biloxi. This was not fun! Lilah and Luke kept each other (and us) awake for a couple of hours. Before too long, it was time to wake up and pack the van again. On the way to Gulf Shores, we visited Bellingrath Gardens. I highly recommend this. Bellingrath is a beautiful home surrounded by acres of gardens. It was so beautiful and the children were very well behaved and really enjoyed this as well. We then caught a ferry to Dauphin Island. The children loved this as well!! It is a very pleasant way to travel to the beach.


We arrived at a duplex we had rented in Gulf Shores. This is a very good way to do family vacations. We didn't have to worry nearly as much about the noise the children made, and having two bedrooms made the stay much more pleasant. We spent two fun-filled days at the beach playing in the sand, splashing in the water, and swimming in the pool. We also had lunch at Lambert's--and the children LOVED it. What a nice tradition!


After the beach, we drove to my parent's house. We stayed Saturday night there, attended church with them the next morning, and then dad drove Jeff and me to the Amtrak station in Tuscaloosa. We left the van to be repaired in preparation for our next trip. Lisa picked us up in Slidell and the crazy week of packing the house began. This last week has really been a blur. Cleaning/packing/cleaning/packing with a couple breaks to get my hair done, watch Harry Potter 7 (fantastic, by the way), and have my very last nail appointment with Debby. I love her and will miss her so much!!! After my nail appointment yesterday, I picked Jeff up from his last day at work and we drove to beautiful Nottoway. It is so lovely and relaxing--and how I ended up updating my blog 'neath a rose colored canopy...